Wow, I have not blogged in far too long. Shocking behavior.
I’M SORRY I’M SORRY FORGIVE ME WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This has been, however- (see, I have an excuse! More than one, actually!) -because, I have been, um, writing. *cough* I’m trying to finish the story I started in November, which has been devouring all my free time, most of my brain cells, and what little sanity I have left.
I know, none of my family has been noticing a difference. Hush, you.
ALSO (see? Two excuses. I am really on a roll.) my life hasn’t lent its self to blogging lately. I just haven’t felt about ranting about the weather, and I haven’t felt like it, and it’s all about me after all, let’s remember our focus here! *trips on her super-inflated ego and goes headfirst into the doorframe*
Ohh, which reminds me of blog-able happenstances that have been occurring lately. *clears throat* First of all, the other day I was feeling very tired while talking to Fraulein and her friend from Alberta. This led to me turning around in the middle of a sentence and walking through the door. Only it didn’t’ quite work out like that… I wasn’t awake enough to juggle the complicated tasks of both
talking. Though technically it wasn’t the walking that was the issue, it was the direction-finding; I walked into the wall. You see, we have a bit picture window, and a french door, and in between them there is a little strip of wall about eight inches wide. That’s what I found with my shoulder, knee, hip and glasses. (Fraulein and Cohort thought this was hilarious, of course.)
Worryingly enough, the part of the wall that my glasses found was actually a nail that was sticking out of the wall, right at eye-level. So that little jolt of adrenaline made it possible for me to make my way over to the coffee without further incident.
Then last night, there was another jolly occurrence! I demolished part of a staircase by accident! (!!!) That sounds much more exciting than it actually was, in truth. Though I will say, in all fairness, that when it was taking place I thought it was quite remarkable and note-worthy. You see, we have a big porch, which leads down to a little back stoop, which leads to the ground with four steps. Now there are three steps.
I stepped on the outside of one, and without preamble or warning screeching, the nails all came loose. So I discovered with extreme interest that I was falling sideways and down about 18 inches. When you are not expecting it, 18 inches is a long ways. Also, heavy-duty steps that have lived through 15 years of hard wear are heavy. Particularly when one is juggling them in the air with elbows and the outside of ones knees. But through my exemplary injury-avoidance skillz I evaded the actual nails, stashed the step under the stoop with my habitual grace and poise, and limped inside to twitter about it.
“Wow,” you are all saying right now, “why am I still reading this?” And to you, I say, “I don’t know. Perhaps you haven’t had your coffee yet? Perhaps you also have walked into a wall one two many times?” ( I left that typo in deliberately. Nhya.) “Perhaps you are stalking me? There are all valid options that should be given due weight and consideration. Some other time. Also, coffee.”
Coffee. *makes loving noises at her mug* I can always count on you to make my heart soar.
I have been getting up at 6 am three times a week. Voluntarily. And with a minimum of griping. Or at least, actual violence. It happened in this fashion.
My commute to work, on foot takes about three minutes, in heels. So for the past year, getting the majority of my exercise from walking to work has resulted in, well, not exercising. You think you’re out of shape? HA! I was getting winded walking across the living room. And, yeah, that’s kinda, not a good thing… So I was vaguely thinking that I should exercise. ~You know, some other time- not now. No, right now I am doing Very Important Things, like seeing what has happened on facebook in the past 2 minutes. ~ Then Mommy and Daddy started an walking routine in the early morning, and Fraulein perkily joined in. And she invited me. With
diabolical angelic timing, she invited ME to come along just when I was in the midst of one of my vague musing sessions. It is not wise to ignore divine signs that arrive with such cursed excellent clarity. Who am I to argue with the working of fate? (I know I was juggling terms and metaphors there, hush. I am too lazy to go back and fix them. Plus, you’re reading this voluntarily, aren’t you? Yes? No one put a gun to your head? Good. Hush.)
We’ve been walking around a pond that is encircled with a boardwalk. It is very lovely. Especially in the rain, which chases the bees into hiding. But when one is wearing cheap canvas shoes with no traction, it polishes the soles of said shoes into a fine gloss. When the person wearing wearing such glossy-bottomed shoes is walking with perfectly appropriate haste upstairs to check her email is me, and I step on a slick tile floor with water on it that I most likely dripped on it from my hair after walking in the rain, and I’m kinda walking sideways because it’s a sharp angle to turn, well, you get the picture. Certain bones take the chance to become closer to the floor. Because, after all, what to we strive for in this life if not closer relationships with our fellows? If you’re a hip bone, you should introduce yourself to floors whenever possible. It’s just polite. *nods firmly*
I just wrote a blog post about ways in which I have injured myself in the past week. I am so talented.