Something to make you chortle.

The best Christian Pick-up Lines.

  • Nice bible.
  • Is this pew taken?
  • I just don’t feel called to celibacy.
  • For you I would slay two Goliaths!
  • I would go through more than Job for you.
  • You are perfect, except with all the sin.
  • When Moses struck the rock, water flowed from it like a river. I promise I will never strike you.
  • You are so unblemished that I would sacrifice you.
  • What, this here? Oh.. that’s my study bible – it’s a little bigger but I can handle the extra spiritual and physical weight.
  • Shall we tithe?
  • At points in my life I have been referred to as Samson.
  • The word says ‘Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry’; how about dinner?
  • I didnt believe in predestination until tonight.
  • I believe one of my ribs belongs to you.
  • I know Lachlan Payne.
  • (If the above gains no response) Lachlan Payne knows me.
  • I went on a beach mission but all I ended up doing was missin’ you.
  • I can be your Boaz.
  • My spiritual gift is my good looks… it lifts people’s spirits.
  • I sacrifice my Sunday mornings to look after the creche group. It’s tough… but I love children.
  • Is this the transfiguration? Because you are glowing.
  • I have a job and I’m willing to move away from home.
  • Mark driscoll takes up 35% of my ipod memory.
  • Hey… I would work 7 years for your sister… but I would work 7 more years for you.
  • I’m kind of a big deal at Koorong.
  • Hey good-looking, Ecclesiastes 4:11.
  • Absolutely. i often throw clothes into the samaritan bin.
  • Bible-gateway happens to be my homepage.
  • Marry me.
  • Can I buy you a non-alcoholic beverage?
  • I have many sponsor children. one in each developing nation.
  • I’m one of the fortunate ones. Greek and hebrew come pretty easily to me.
  • My favourite species of vegetation is the church plant.
  • Did I just have mud rubbed in my eyes?
  • What’s an xbox?
  • Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives; Because he never met you.
  • I used to believe in natural theology, but since I met you I’ve converted to divine revelation.
  • I look after widows.
  • Is that a thinline, duo-tone, compact, ESV Travel Bible in your pocket?
  • Why don’t i have a bible dictionary? well, I dont really need it.
  • Bathsheba had nothing on you.
  • You put the ‘cute’ back in persecution!
  • Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Gilead.
  • So, can I clothe you in righteousness?
  • How many times do I have to walk around you to make you fall for me?
  • How would you like to join my Purpose Driven Life?
  • If you say no, I will rip out my hair and my beard.
  • If you say no, I’m going to tear my clothes, get in my sackcloth and rub dust into my head.
  • If you say no, I’m going on a pilgrimage.
  • Unfortunately I can’t perform miracles and I’ve only got enough bread and fish for 2 people.
  • So, my parents are home, you wanna come over?
  • Let me remove my sandals before I come any closer.
  • Let’s say, hypothetically, you were married. I would send your husband to the front line against the Amorites.
  • It’s obvious to me that you sprouted from the good kind of soil.
  • Feel free to meet me at the threshing floor.
  • You can lie at my feet…
  • If I had to choose between a romantic date with you or a night with the fellas… I would sit at home and read my bible.
  • I really like your spirituality, it goes well with that shirt.
  • Welcome to the christian family-the only family where brothers and sisters can marry each other.
  • I did a love tester on your name and mine.. it came back ‘predestined.’
  • You’re totally depraved but I’d still like to go out with you…
  • You can come crash at my place tonight. I have a separate room prepared.
  • I’m a proverbs 32 kind of guy and you’re a proverbs 31 kinda woman.
  • I’m interested in full time ministry, and I also play the guitar.
  • If we were around with Noah… then you, me… pair.
  • I arrange the substantial christian section of my bookshelf into alphabetical order. coffee?
  • I sit with my mum at church.
  • Let me sell you an indulgence because it’s a sin to look as good as you do.
  • Not a big fan of your last name, but thats cool, I can change that.
  • Solomon had 700 wives. You can be my 2nd girlfriend. But bring your friends.
  • I have a bible verse tattoo. It’s permanent. It’s also in ancient greek.
  • I consider myself to be fisher of women. This would be referred to as “casting my net.”
  • I’m pretty much considered an elder in the congregation these days.
  • It would be my honor to present you spotless on the last day.
  • Me. You. Song of Songs: the remix.
  • When i read Philippians 4:8, i think about you.
  • I prayed up the front at church tonight.
  • Look, you’re nearly 22. Most christians are 3 years into marriage by now; just settle for me.
  • I come from Egypt… the same place Moses lived.
  • My general biblical knowledge is quite vast, probably because i finished bible trivia as a child.
  • Who’s your favorite apostle?
  • You make the Queen of Sheba look like a hobo.
  • I have familiarised myself with all 5 love languages, in fact, i invented 4 of them.
  • Let’s go for a ride in my zondervan.
  • I like to think that I’m all things to all women.
  • Have you died before? Because that looks like a resurrection body to me.
  • All I’m looking for is a Godly woman. I don’t care that you’re not attractive.
  • You float my ark.
  • I’ve been called the 11th Plague of Egypt: Boogy Fever.
  • As Shammah the son of Agee a Hararite protected the field of lentils, so i wish to protect you.
  • You make me want to be a better Christian.
  • I will never give you reason to hammer a tent peg through my skull.
  • I predicted David over Goliath… now I’m betting on you and me.
  • If you were staying for the tribulation, I would consider staying too.. but then I would probably leave.”
  • If you were a leper, i would still hold your hand.. even if it wasnt attached.
  • I would have asked you out to dinner, but I just put all my money in the offeratory basket.
  • Hi, I’m Calvin. You were meant to choose me.
  • Unlike the Israelites, who forgot the Lord, I will remember your name most of the time.
  • You are a galations 5 fruit salad.
  • I mentioned you in my testimony.
  • The perseverance of the saints is well illustrated by the amount of time I spend talking to you.
  • The Lord Jesus was into carpentry. I’m doing an apprenticeship.
  • If you were my wife, I would never make you pretend to be my sister. That would be too damaging to my reputation.
  • I would bring your father twelve-hundred Philistine foreskins for just one date with you.
  • I saw Chris Tomlin in concert once.
  • Last week, I read Jeremiah, Isaiah and Ezekiel. It’s all part of my ‘Read-The-Bible in 30 days Course.’

2 thoughts on “Something to make you chortle.

  1. Snazel

    “I'm Calvin.” 😀 Though it would work best if a girl went up to a guy named Calvin… ANYWAYS these were too good not to share. 😀

    Reply

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